Demon's Kiss

I woke up in the worst mood, it almost felt like being hung over except without the pleasure of alcohol. Or friends. Or sweet little glasses filled with sweet concoctions like Cosmopolitans or Lemon Drops or Demon Kisses.

A Demon’s Kiss:

1 and ½ shot of Godiva chocolate liqueur

1 and ½ shot crème de cacao

1 shot vodka

2 shots half and half

Top with a shot of whipped cream and drizzle some chocolate syrup on top.

Instead I was headachey, body-achey and bitchy.

I stumbled down to the kitchen to find my coffee pot with a layer of burnt coffee stewing on the bottom, an empty bottle of my Irish Cream creamer and my demon and cousin sitting at the table looking too friendly and much too satisfied with life and each other.

“Seriously?” I growled. “You fuck with my coffee after you obviously fucked with each other. You’re both tacky, you know that?”

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Lou said.

“No,” Nick said, looking me over carefully, “she woke up without her demon and she’s feeling empty. Come to Papa, poppet, and I’ll make you feel better.”

“You’re disgusting.” I turned the faucet as hot as it could go and stuck my coffee pot underneath.

“I didn’t sleep with the demon, Bitcherella,” Lou said coming up and taking the pot from me. “Go sit down. I’ll make you some breakfast and you can return to your normal whiny self.”

“I’m not whiny.” I cringed at the whiny sound of my voice and then shot a nasty glance at Nick who was looking much too smug. “Go back to Hell Demon. Nobody wants you here.”

“Ha. Prove it. You look like a woman who was longing for some demon loving last night and slept alone instead. I can cure you of that.”

“No woman wants to sleep with a smug man,” Lou said, “not to mention such a cheeseball. You ever get laid with those lines?”

Nick shrugged. “I look like this Louise. I can get laid easily.”

“Ever get laid after a woman knows you?” I asked.

Scored! He didn’t answer. In fact, he looked distinctly uncomfortable and I almost felt bad. That lasted half a second.

“So what’s the deal Lou?” I asked. I was done with demons. “Why the hell did you summon this douche from hell? Grandma did not put anything in her grimoire that suggested this would be a good idea.”

“How would you know?” She cracked an egg into the pan on the stove. “You haven’t spent any time looking through it. You’ve just been all about starting your baking blog and your cookbook.”

“Seriously?” I bit back a sharp retort. I’d been working for years trying to get some sort of recognition as a baker, to make a living doing what I loved and I was just starting to get a small swell in income from word of mouth. Surely she knew how important this was for me.

“Don’t get that look.” Lou pointed the spatula at me. “I thought we were in this together and you’ve been all about everything but this. And I wanted to see if something could work. My business is failing, my best friend is locked in her room moaning over buttercream and I thought a demon could help. So sue me.”

Damn it.

I hated when I couldn’t be angry at someone else when things suck.

“Where’s the coffee?” was all I said.

Nick was suspiciously quiet while Lou made eggs and toast and a new pot of coffee. It was only when I was eating and they had refreshed their cups that he finally spoke.

“Maybe I can solve both your problems,” he ventured.

Lou placed her mug on the table as I laid my fork carefully on the plate. We looked at each other and then both turned our gazes to the delectable demon at our table.

“Big man gonna make it better for the widdle women?” Lou said in a high voice.

“Will you use your big demon-y penis to solve our problems?” I batted my eyelashes.

“We can make you a sandwich when you’re all done.”

“Thank goodness we have a strong man to do our thinking for us.”

“You can flex now and our girly parts will get all damp for you.” I snorted when Lou said it and she dissolved into giggles.

“No wonder you both sleep alone.” Nick folded his arms across his chest. “You’re both ball busters.”

“We can fix our own problems,” I said pointedly.

“Girl power,” Lou added.

Nick stood and despite everything, there was a little girly squee of delight at looking at him. “I’m going into the garage and I’m going to pretend to do something with a hammer. Don’t bother me unless you change your minds and want sex or demonic help.”

“We do not want demonic help,” I said and looked at Lou who nodded in agreement. I think we both knew we couldn’t lie convincingly enough to suggest we wouldn’t want sex with him.

Instead we both grabbed our coffee mugs and tried to let the caffeine soothe our frazzled nerves.